Then there are the times where I get angry because he is not around and damn if I could just totally use his strong yet soft shoulder to cry on. For instance, when I fell off of the bike this week - I screamed that it was all his fault, my mother instantly agreed without using basic logic to point out that it was really in no absolute way, his fault. God love her....I do. Or today, when I went looking through my old blog to discover that a year ago tomorrow - we became foster parents and I remember that road we faced together with humor and trepidation where I watched a man I knew as my husband become a brave father. Then like a bad dream... I remember that those feelings are part of the past, though felt in the present will never be the future....ever.
The girls, no doubt, made indelible impression on my heart. Their laughter, their request to watch "Enchanted" over and over and over again, the marvel at watching their faces explode with happiness as the looked at the big, blue ocean for the first time - realizing their was something "greater" than visiting a pool and who could forget the lice (certainly, not I). I was thinking this evening about where they are in their lives, so I wrote a lovely note to their teacher - hoping that she will receive it before the school year gets out, I might even hand deliver it next Friday on my day off. I phoned the agency we worked with and they had not received a call about placement for the girls which doesn't necessarily mean that they haven't been returned to the system - especially if the girls had the same social worker.
What did I learn from two young sweet peas who seemed to breeze in and out of my life like a gentle wind - a smile is worth a million dollars, a high five can make a kids day, a hug is better than money and positive energy can give a child hope.
To little girl and Big Girl who touched my heart and soul
Thank you for letting me be your mommy, if only for a short time.
Thank you for letting me be your mommy, if only for a short time.
2 comments:
Aw Kara ... I'm so sorry I've been absent lately. No excuses here ... I've just been a bad bloggie friend all around.
I can only imagine how hard it was for you to look back at your old blog and read about past events. What a difference a year makes, yes?
And yet, here you are a year later. A bit battered and bruised, but otherwise strong at heart and spirit.
You. Amaze. Me. And ... you are always in my heart and in my mind.
Wow. I can't believe that was a year ago! It seems like only yesterday. As Emily said, what a difference a year makes...
I'm sorry- I know it's petty of me, but I cannot wait for you to take his sorry ass to court. I cannot believe that you still have to pay for these things that HE needs to be taking care of! What is he, a teenager? He has a job, right? Jeez. Grow up and pay for your own dental work. Grr.
I am 100% positive that little girl and big girl are better off for having spent the time they did with you. You can know for sure that they were loved and taken care of and enriched by having you as their mommy, no matter how short the time.
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