Babies, Boys and Bathrooms

Babies...

My sister in law is in labor, contractions are three minutes apart and my niece Paige is expected to make her entrance into this crazy world around noon. Surprisingly, my ugly, bitter, infertile mind has been kind to me during her pregnancy and while I have a few ideas why I have to say the whole "not trying" thing really helps. I was analyzing how I have felt during the whole process - she announced she was pregnant during the most stressful time of my divorce and it was such a breath of fresh air that I was ecstatic to hear the news. Her baby shower happened the day I had to be out of the condo so I made an appearance and then quickly left with my mind focused on the move in with handsome. Speaking of Handsome, he is quick to ask if I am ok during a situation where pregnancy is involved. The mere mention of my co-worker announcing her pregnancy led us to a three hour conversation regarding infertility and my reactions. My co-worker is a sweet, young lady who has struggled with infertility for over 2 years and simply could not afford treatment. She is not someone I would be friends with outside of work but we share the commonality of infertility and so I was really excited to hear she got pregnant. Ok, so Paige should arrive Noon - Pacific time.

Boys...

Handsome has four kiddos- Did I mention that? The youngest, we will call him Handsome Jr. is staying with us for the month of... what month is it- oh yeah - March. Yes, my head is spinning. It is truly a challenge to go from child free to mommy 24/7 in a heartbeat. He has an amazing personality, a total cutie patootie and makes my heart sing. He is all boy, oh my gosh ALL BOY. Did you know there are nine trillion amazing cute little girl items at Target and boys get the total crummy crappity crap? Though I must say those little Easter suits with the fake ties and little golfer caps are adorable and are wayyyy cuter than any girl bonnet. I've picked up some great deals for him on the clearance rack - pants for $2.97. SCORE.

Handsome Jr. is four and has become quite the expert at the art of lying. Handsome sat with him this morning and explained, in a very clear, articulate way of why it is important to tell the truth and why lying is bad. Lately, he lies when he thinks he might get into trouble - so while we can understand why he is lying we want to make sure he understands the importance of ownership of one's actions and choices and consequences.

Bathrooms...

Lastly, regarding bathrooms and taking little boys into women's restrooms. I am taking a poll - if you have any suggestions, please chime in. Where have you found the most boy friendly Women's restrooms. It has been my experience that the best women's restroom for taking the little guys into has to be the restaurant Buca di peppo. They have a smaller, lower urinal for the little guys to use. Now if they could only put that vending machine of tampons in a place where the little guys don't always want to twist the knobs and ask about it.... I heard one mom say that it's for women who forget their lipstick and can pick up a new tube. GENIUS... at a closer glance the tampon does look like a tube of lipstick. Handsome's other kids arrive next Saturday and we will have three total here for a whole week. I can't wait but I am also a bit scared.

And did I mention... I have a driver's licence with my current, correct name and address FINALLY. Clearly, it's the little things in life... however this means that I can finally change my name at my bank and quit signing things with that *other* name.

Life is grand.

It's Sydney's world, I am just living in it.

Sydney is running with the big dogs now, she ran away from home.

We came home last night to find one dog, instead of two and a piece of our heart missing.

The pain is intense and my heart is breaking in a gazillion pieces right now... yes, while I never had birthday parties or made my dogs wear little sweaters I feel as though I need to confess that I am "a crazy dog lady" similar and some might say a sister of "the crazy cat lady". You know the kind, carries an extra dog leash around in case I come into contact with a stray wearing a collar, gives away dog food to homeless people with pets.

The community we live in has two security people constantly patrolling and handsome was quick to give them a picture of Miss Sydney and her stats. We have a large community that is gated but a neighbor decided to tell handsome she is pretty sure that she saw Sydney running with another dog towards the main gate... I guess there is no great way to say something like this but it felt like a million tiny daggers invading my heart and soul to hear this.

Regarding neighbors, this has been the biggest transition. I am used to having some kind of small neighborly relationship with people and the city I am currently living in houses many commuters- myself included. I haven't connected with any other neighbors as they are not real neighborly. Handsome and I have nicknames for a few - for instance, our favorite neighbors (can you pick up on the sarcasm?) whom we lovingly call the Jesus freaks. They earned their title by placing an empty *manger* on their front lawn bestowed with a red light. The big problem was that the manger was the size of a casket and looked more like a Halloween decoration with the red light on it than an homage to Jesus. Did I mention they live directly across from our home? Religious freedom and the expression of, aside, these very Christian people will barely make eye contact and no longer speak to handsome after he declined an invitation to their weekly Monday night bible study that takes place in their home. I wasn't ready to run over and knock on their door to ask if they had seen Sydney.

Then there are the neighbors on one side of us who are different and I don't know how to explain it other than the husband has a bit of the crazy eyes and the wife is a mail order bride from Russia, who I thought was his daughter. We call them "From Russia, with love" or Boris and Natasha, depending on our mood. Natasha was the one who mentioned the whole dog running toward the gate statement. They have a brand new boxer puppy and so I would hope to think they have a bit of sympathy toward the situation.

****

I got in the car and drove around, screaming her name, holding a flashlight, sobbing and waiting for her to walk out of some random area and come prancing toward me... it never happened.

I am a firm believer that people come in and out of our lives, at different times and for different reasons - I wasn't ready to apply nor accept this theory towards my puppy. Handsome asked me this morning if we thought of everything - Call the humane society - check (had to leave a message), let the entire world know our dog was missing- check, scour the neighborhood- check. She has a chip so I am holding out hope that this will be the saving grace. I never, NEVER see dogs running loose in this city so perhaps their animal services department is really on their game, we'll see.

Did I miss anything?

Sydney

Sydney is one short phone call away from the sausage factory.

I love this dog, really I do love this dog- she is one of my kids but she is destroying handsome's backyard - scratching drywall off of the house, scratching at doors, windows, fences and I am at my wits end.

I phoned the dog trainer and she explained that due to the high winds recently, her client call has increased substantially in the last 2 days. Now, the wind, while a complete annoyance, is also a factor that sends Sydney over the edge. To say she dislikes wind would be an understatement. To add fuel to the fire, there is a walking trail located about 100 *sloping upwards* feet away from the backyard and due to construction the maintenance crew has put a chain link fence and affixed a green tarp (not sure of the exact purpose for the tarp). So the winds have blown the connectors away at the bottom of the tarp so.... can you guess what has been happening? Yes, the slightest breeze sends the tarp slapping, repeatedly, against the chain link fence... driving Sydney crazy and sending her into a crazy panic.

Last night, her heart was racing and as much as I tried to calm her down, she found it impossible. I spent close to 45 minutes with the dog trainer going over different exercises and we are going to try to put her in a crate for sleeping because the behavior seems to increase at bed time. As much as I am VEHEMENTLY against medicating people, children and animals - I am thinking of calling her vet and asking for some kind of doggie downer.

Any suggestions?

Swimsuits

It's raining here in sunny CA - AGAIN. I know, the rest of the country has been buried under snow or ice and I am whining about rain after having three sunny days in a row.

Swimsuits... I am contemplating on purchasing a swimsuit online. Land's End has the coolest website for previewing suits, as you scroll over the picture it flips so you can see what the suit looks like from behind and I think that is mighty clever.

The other winning point - they have Petite plus sizes which, for the love of all things clothing related they should be honored for some award like the Nobel Peace prize or something.

The only problem is the fabrics and their lack of um....hipness.

Lent

I swear this won't turn into a blog about my religious struggles or religion in general... a mere coincidence that I am blogging about religion 2 times in a row.

Last night I went to a fish restaurant with a good friend Regina, whom I've known since I was 18. I don't know why I just typed that but I guess I felt it was important... for some reason. She is the kind of person that knows me so well sometimes it's SCARY. Also the kind of friend who is not only quick to call me on my *shit* but does it in such a way, you feel appreciative and reminded that she truly cares about you all at the same time. Did I mention she is a KICK ASS mother. No, not a muther, but a mom - an an amazingly wonderful, patient mom. We both had wiped our ashes off of our forehead and "caught-up" about our lives. Spending time with this calm presence of a friend is less like work and more like therapy. She listened openly and intently about my feelings regarding *all items mentioned in my last post* without being judgemental, and being only happy that my soul has been fed.

Thinking about our friendship and it's importance to me gave me an idea about what I will do for Lent. Typically, during lent, something is given up however I decided this year that I will take one person in my life, for the forty days of Lent, I will think good thoughts and pray for one friend a day for the forty days. I know I have forty people in my life, my goal is to continue this - gasp - even after lent. As my dad says when he doesn't want to disappoint me by saying the word no, We'll see.

Other things I hope to accomplish during this time of introspect

Pass the CSET

Get Active

Take and post more pictures

Get back in touch with my blogging community

Finding Religion

Relocating to Murrieta has given me a great new perspective on life and one of the parts of building community for me is to locate the closest Catholic church. Handsome and I were driving around the other day and accidentally found St. Martha's Catholic church. A few days later I found myself standing in line for confession on a very rainy day. The lines were long... alot of sins going down in M town? or are the priests just really super amazing and convincing to have you go to confession. For me, confessing anything- let alone my sins ranks right up there with going to the DMV and the dentist. Ironically, I have done all three in the last month. I should just schedule my "girly" doctor visit and put the icing on the cake.

So, back to confession. I went in, it was short and sweet and the penance was even shorter which was odd... but I wasn't going to argue with him since it was clearly in my favor. Later that day Handsome and I attended 5:15 mass and it was a packed house. Handsome is Jewish and had only attended mass one other time, years ago. I was a bit nervous, I wanted it to be the BEST.MASS.EVER. It wasn't even in the top 20 masses ever, it was sad. There is no crying room and the area that we set in was some kind of vortex that sucked in every whisper, let alone crying baby. Coupled with the fact that the priest struggled with the English language and spoke at a mumble really was upsetting. So I focused on why I was there and what I do like about Catholicism - the tradition. The movement through the act of contrition, clasping your neighbors hand and saying "Peace be with you" and bowing my head in prayer after communion provided me the comfort I needed and made up for the incomprehensible sermon.

Handsome and I had a long talk that night about mass and he agreed that it was a bit sad that we couldn't hear what the priest had to say. When we decided to attend mass we also decided that we would attend Temple as well and I was anxiously looking forward to it. My entire life, I have always said that if I wasn't Catholic, I would be Jewish... because of the tradition, rich history and I really love their focus on family, community and doing things that help the greater good. Ok, as I re- read that last statement I guess all religions focus on those items so I would venture to say that I really enjoy the traditions of the continuation of the Hebrew language and the historical aspect.

So we went to Temple last night and.... I loved it. Once we walked in, Handsome had to use the restroom and moments later I was greeted by the very young Rabbi who said "Shabbot Shalom" which is said on Friday nights because this is when they welcome the day of rest also known as Shabbot and of course Shalom means hello. So, I guess - very roughly translated- by a Catholic nonetheless-I guess it means hi and yay the day of rest is here because it is said with enthusiasm. My reply was a barely audible "Hello" that was almost accompanied with a nervously stated... I am Catholic my boyfriend is Jewish and he is in the bathroom and I am so nervous I could pee my pants. I don't know why I got so nervous but I did and thankfully I didn't mumble the rest however the eyes of the congregation were on this shiksa, like white on rice. Another Rabbi came over and greeted us, Handsome did most of the talking (Thankfully) and I sat there smiling nervously. The Rabbi could not have been more welcoming, inviting and sincere - seriously and I mentioned to Handsome later that evening that I not only appreciated it but noted that would have *probably* would have never happened in any Catholic church that I have ever attended.

I struggle with my faith right now, at this point of my life. It's what I have known my whole life, the traditions bring me peace. I vehemently disagree with the church's position on Homosexuality, and struggle with the anti-abortion position. I would like to see the church let priests marry as well as welcome female priests and really feel like I am picking and choosing the parts that I like of Catholicism instead of embracing the whole thing.

What have I learned about Judaism?

Temple's are ranked in one of three ways: Orthodox, Conservative and Reformed. Orthodox Jews walk to Temple, wear the traditional dress and separate men from women in Temple. Conservative Temples are more relaxed in the fact that the tradition is still there but it's a more relaxed environment. Reformed is the most liberal and welcomes inter-religious couples... etc. OK, I could be completely incorrect on any of the above- this is just what I have picked up so far and I am working my way through the "The Jewish book of why" and "The Second Jewish book of why".

The temple we attended last night was Conservative however... the service was called "ROCK'IN Shabbot". Now- I am the first to admit, I am not a fan of the Christian churches that are so huge a power point slide is shown to accompany the Rock band and stage lighting so there was a natural concern when I saw the word "Rock'in". It was really great though and done in a very respectful manner sans amp and electric guitar.

The sermon (hmm, not sure if that is the correct term) ok- the point was to do or "act" and then ask questions of course the Rabbi stated this with numerous examples in a very non-confusing way and I am struggling to type it now because of the energy I was burning through on trying to not be nervous. I was most happy that I was able to understand what the Rabbi was saying and I loved the focus on children at last night's service. The Rabbi at one point invited all children to sit on the floor with him in front of the *band* while the band sang, children were invited with another Rabbi to the social hall for a portion of the sermon and when welcomed back the entire congregation got up and turned and welcomed them in. I sat in awe watching the smiles on every one's faces and the kids - Dare I Say- HAVING FUN???? WHAT THE...... Where am I??? I really liked that they were able to embrace tradition yet have fun. These kids are going to want to come back next week, sadly - Rockin Shabbot happens only once a month. We did make tentative plans to attend next month when Handsome's son will be here.

Will I convert, I don't know? Did I enjoy last night? YES! Can you be Catholic and Jewish? My guess is no. Can I do both? I probably will for quite awhile.

The struggle with Religion goes on but for now my soul is fed.

*band* - It had four musicians- one singer, one guitarist, one flutist, one pianist.

2010 and update

Happy (belated) New Year!

I thought I would give a brief update and announce some my goals.

There's alot going on in my life, and its all good which a really nice for a change. Work is good, stressfull but just happy to have a job/benefits/pension. The difficult piece is that while I love aspects of my job, the profession that I am in is no longer "feeding my soul" however it is still feeding my bank account so I work to pay bills and there is very little I feel I am doing for the greater good. Surely, you are thinking- Really, you still haven't transitioned into teaching? Yeah, I know- 4 moves in 11 months and one divorce have kept me a tad busy.

I met with my school counselor who informed me that graduating in December, 2010 (yes, you read that correct- this year) is not only possible but certain so long as I PASS THE CSET. I have one more sub test to past and I am registered for the March 13 so any prayers, good vibes, Glenda the good witch spells would be greatly appreciated. Passing the CSET will allow me to apply for all of those Special Education jobs that are posted on Ed-Join.......all 3 of them. Did I pick a great time for a career change or what. I continue to substitute teach and was able to confirm that I will never, ever teach Kindergarten as subbing for it was akin to nailing jello to the wall. Honestly, I wasn't planning to go back to blogging until I passed the CSET however I need a creative outlet and I love the cathartic feeling that I absorb after clicking that orange "PUBLISH POST" Button. So, the blogging will continue though sparsely.

One thing that makes blogging easy(ier) is the new computer that new beau has generously purchased for me. It's pretty, it's white and it's a Mac so I am learning how to use it when I have time and I am surprised at how easy it has been thus far.

Speaking of new beau, things are going really well in fact he has cleverly negotiated me out of my lease and I am moving my belongings into his residence next weekend. We met shortly before I moved into the condo and it is safe to say that I have spent more nights with him than without him. Next week, we will celebrate 3 months of knowing each other and I can't remember being this happy, fulfilled and loved, ever. I could gush all day long about him, he is kind, sensitive, funny and calls me on my shit. What more could a girl ask for.

Haiti has been heavy on my heart this week. I can remember my first week of french class in 1980-something or another where Madame Hopkins spoke delicately about the french speaking country, specifically - the devastated Port Au Prince. Haiti has ebbed and flowed out of my life, I had friends go on vacation to the Dominican Republic (the other side of the island) which prompted a lengthy conversation a year ago about both places. Two co-workers have family from Haiti and we met these wonderful people last Christmas and then CNN reported, and reminded me that Haiti is 80% Roman Catholic. Their situation is a devastating one and if it is possible that the US can assist in getting this country up, running and exterminate the corruption it would be a miracle and yes, it would be GREAT. I just feel connected to this country through these common friends and it's a connection that is greater than just clicking a button to make a donation. I just don't quite know how I will help however I see there is an oppourtunity to do something signficant.

I was saddened to see a republican take Ted Kennedy's seat however I was even more disappointed to see Martha Coakley trying to pretend she was a viable candidate on the campaign trail. Good God, I would have had a very difficult time voting for her.

Speaking of politics.... I watched Sara Palin (with Bristol) on Oprah today where Bristol was announcing that she is never going to have sex again, until she gets married. Oprah gave her 3 opportunities to retract or clarify the statement and then when they (Sara and Bristol) didn't take hint she point blank confronted her on the statement and reminded them about how the media would be waiting for her next boyfriend to "tell all" and again, she stated that she will never have sex again, unless she was married and said it was a goal. Hmm, really - because I think it's a bit more significant than labeling this as a goal. Sara Palin is just a complete and total goob. I don't know what else to say than thank God that she is not our current President.

Things I am looking to accomplish as soon as possible....

Pass the CSET

Get a teaching job

Lose 10 pounds a month until I look super hot

There are more, I just don't want to overwhelm you at this point.