Not really, please don't though I am worth more dead than alive.
Ok, now that my George Bailey moment has passed....
******
My week has consisted of the following:
Sunday - Said good-bye to handsome's Wisconsin kiddos, very sad.
Monday - Sad about kids being gone, holidays over and oh wait, crap - CSET is this Saturday, and what better time to start cramming than the week of a major test. It's not like I was doing anything the last 3 weeks.
Tuesday - Said good-by to handsome's 5 year old who lives in Oregon. Did you hear that sound? Yeah - it was the rest of my heart breaking.
Wednesday - Call the IRS to let them know that while I would love to pay them, I simply can't because there is a great Tory Burch handbag at Nordstrom's waiting for me. I did have a lovely chat with my friends at the Internal Revenue Service to let them know that no- I didn't forget about our repayment agreement and moolah is on the way. They weren't happy with my "better late than never" attitude.
Also discovered that we did not win a stinkin dime in our office lottery pool. Crap.
Wednesday evening, my co leaders for the girl scout troop I run, both quit. I saw it coming but it still wasn't fun. I don't like break-ups.
Today - woke up feeling like I might die, or I just may have the flu or well maybe I am just really freaking wiped out from life. Who knows.
The rest of the week should be a breeze- right?
06 January 2011
02 January 2011
Ch-Ch-Ch- Changes
I love blogger but the backgrounds are so blech..... and I am not talented/smart enough to do the whole custom background thing.
I have a mad case of the Sunday blues and I think I have been awake for about 15 minutes, this is not a good sign. I hate my job.
Wait
No - I don't HATE my job, I HATE the commute, I love the people I work with and I am burned out on the work I am doing. I also do not like looking for new jobs and feeling like I have to put on that face - you know the " I am fab, you know you love me - dah-ling" hire-me face. Also, I am getting old and I don't like change. Ok, I know I sound cantankerous but that is just how I feel today.
Handsome's kids return to Wisconsin and it makes me sad, we will have the five year old for a few more days and then he goes home to Oregon. The loss is unbearable to think about, we will not see them until summer unless we fly to go see them which may or may not happen. Phone calls and letters will take place - but you know it's not the same and especially with as quick as how kids grow.
We still have our holiday decorations up and I refuse to take them down while we have kiddos in the home.
It can all wait.
*************
Last summer I read this book, Ex-etiquette for parents. It was amazing, life- changing and why, yes - I did want to mail a copy to handsome's baby mama's. I've also been on the bonus families website, the author's site for the book and an amazing resource. Topics covered are all things that we have been experiencing so it was like finding gold when I found the book at the library and finding the website was another complete a-ha moment.
I was able to talk to a counselor the site has to offer who wants to put me in touch with the book's author(s) who handle mediation in Northern California and finally feel like we might be able to get somewhere in helping to create a better relationship for handsome, me and his kids.
We will see what happens.
I have a mad case of the Sunday blues and I think I have been awake for about 15 minutes, this is not a good sign. I hate my job.
Wait
No - I don't HATE my job, I HATE the commute, I love the people I work with and I am burned out on the work I am doing. I also do not like looking for new jobs and feeling like I have to put on that face - you know the " I am fab, you know you love me - dah-ling" hire-me face. Also, I am getting old and I don't like change. Ok, I know I sound cantankerous but that is just how I feel today.
Handsome's kids return to Wisconsin and it makes me sad, we will have the five year old for a few more days and then he goes home to Oregon. The loss is unbearable to think about, we will not see them until summer unless we fly to go see them which may or may not happen. Phone calls and letters will take place - but you know it's not the same and especially with as quick as how kids grow.
We still have our holiday decorations up and I refuse to take them down while we have kiddos in the home.
It can all wait.
*************
Last summer I read this book, Ex-etiquette for parents. It was amazing, life- changing and why, yes - I did want to mail a copy to handsome's baby mama's. I've also been on the bonus families website, the author's site for the book and an amazing resource. Topics covered are all things that we have been experiencing so it was like finding gold when I found the book at the library and finding the website was another complete a-ha moment.
I was able to talk to a counselor the site has to offer who wants to put me in touch with the book's author(s) who handle mediation in Northern California and finally feel like we might be able to get somewhere in helping to create a better relationship for handsome, me and his kids.
We will see what happens.
01 January 2011
HAPPY NEW YEAR - 2011
So the short story thing blew up in my face - BIGTIME. It was therapeutic while we were planning my Grandpa's funeral and party. I am *hoping* to get into the Grandpa story further, as time permits. Oh, time - that's a funny word.
************
Goals for 2011
Pass the CSET - I take subtest II (again) on January 8th, one week from yesterday.
Get a teaching job or really any job closer to home. The 10 hour work day + 2 hour commute is KILLING me slowly.
Pay off the IRS, yes for the first time in my life I owe the IRS and it SUCKS ( thank you rat bastard, ex husband for this one)
Get back into running.
Tackle the "Baking with Julia" book handsome gave me last Christmas that will surely include time with my new KitchenAid stand mixer handsome gave me this Christmas.
Blog/write daily and facebook less.
************
There you have it. It's in writing so I am sure to follow thru on this :-).
13 November 2010
Continuation of B&T
SO FAR BEHIND..... Urghhh. The goal was to complete 1600 words a day, that is so not happening. I have a writers workshop from 9- Noon today and going with high hopes, high hopes I tell you.
*****
More about Theresa and Joe in a minute, first, I need to talk about the Mil-dude ranch.
I love this photo, my Great uncle Jack is riding on the mule backwards and my Grandfather, ever the optimist is coaxing the mule to move toward him. This photo is taken at the mil-dude ranch, I am not sure who came up with the name but the two boys lived there with their mom, Alice. The ranch is located less than a mile from the cemetery where my Grandpa is buried so his life has really come full circle here in California. This was a place of great adventure for them both, my grandfather would often speak about all the animals and fun times they came across. I love the contrast shown between the tree falling forward and my Grandpa Joe leaning back.
Jack McGee is two years older than Joe, lives in Del Mar and I really don't know him because he and my Grandfather had a huge falling out or as we like to call it a case of Irish Amnesia, where you forget everything but the grudge your holding against the other person. I have only met him once, briefly, and was hoping to see him at the funeral. I was both saddened and heartbroken to learn that he was so upset with my Grandfather's passing that he simply couldn't attend the services.
Joe has completed a tour of duty with the Sea bees, he is not really interested in going to college so when he meets a young Theresa Lemire, he is happy to start creating a life with her. These two young Catholic lovebirds marry shortly after learning she is pregnant.
*****
More about Theresa and Joe in a minute, first, I need to talk about the Mil-dude ranch.
I love this photo, my Great uncle Jack is riding on the mule backwards and my Grandfather, ever the optimist is coaxing the mule to move toward him. This photo is taken at the mil-dude ranch, I am not sure who came up with the name but the two boys lived there with their mom, Alice. The ranch is located less than a mile from the cemetery where my Grandpa is buried so his life has really come full circle here in California. This was a place of great adventure for them both, my grandfather would often speak about all the animals and fun times they came across. I love the contrast shown between the tree falling forward and my Grandpa Joe leaning back.
Jack McGee is two years older than Joe, lives in Del Mar and I really don't know him because he and my Grandfather had a huge falling out or as we like to call it a case of Irish Amnesia, where you forget everything but the grudge your holding against the other person. I have only met him once, briefly, and was hoping to see him at the funeral. I was both saddened and heartbroken to learn that he was so upset with my Grandfather's passing that he simply couldn't attend the services.
Joe has completed a tour of duty with the Sea bees, he is not really interested in going to college so when he meets a young Theresa Lemire, he is happy to start creating a life with her. These two young Catholic lovebirds marry shortly after learning she is pregnant.
This is the only photo I have ever seen of them together and oddly enough they might as well be two characters in a movie. The few times I have seen them together can be counted on one hand and I can safely say that they were never this happy when I saw them together and the events were pretty joyous occasions - weddings, including my own.
They started their life in Lemon Grove, a San Diego suburb. I don't know much about their life at this time except that they are starting to build their family. My dad recalls visiting Mercy hospital numerous times for the births of his siblings and how his dad would treat them to a special roast beef sandwich from a shop in the Hillcrest area located adjacently to the hospital, after each visit.
My dad is number two in the lineup of ten kids and like most of us, he has specific and few memories of his childhood. He recalls how his Grandmother Alice (his Dad's mom) would bring over piles of new clothes for the four boys and nothing ever seemed to fit anyone, you either got clothes that were too big or too small, this is evidenced in the photos taken during that time.
Kathleen is born, the first girl, and they move from San Diego to LA, what is now known as the Watts area. When they moved to Los Angeles, the Watts area was a typical working middle class neighborhood filled with kids riding bikes to the store on the corner and an all feeling of a tight knit community. The McGee boys, who attended Catholic school at St. Anselm lived close by and were on the constant rotation of the altar boy schedule. The church was happy to have four willing and easily guilted souls within their firm grip.
02 November 2010
Black and Tan
First - I have no *logical* business doing this however..... I am going to do THIS. I might be crazy, there is a really good possibility. My main goal, is to get back to writing daily. If I can get back to writing half way decent, daily - I will be thrilled. So here it goes.... I am already behind, gotta love it.
***
Also - it's going to be HEAVY on the Grandpa Joe, as he just passed away and funeral is this Saturday. I think I am writing more for therapeutic purposes, luckily, my family (combined with my imagination) gives me/inspires a wealth of material to write about.
***
Black and Tan
He is a young boy from Dubois, Pennsylvania and the picture I hold in my hand shows him holding a cat in his. The backdrop is a standard 1930’s neighborhood and he looks somewhere between seven and ten years old. His small, pale, peach tinted hands so similar to my own that even though it’s a black and white photo I can still see the similarities in our skin tone.
His parents met in front of the Met life building in New York City, both were children of Irish immigrants and his mom had red hair, just like mine. I would be the only red head in the family for thirty eight years until my newest niece was born seven months ago and to our surprise and my profound delight it looks there will be another member of the red head club inside the McGee clan. I can feel the pride he felt when he noticed my red hair every time I look at my niece and see the reddish fuzz growing atop her head. Only time will tell if it will continue into long red hair that she will hate as a child and adore as an adult.
His dad, John, was a snake charmer and wild man constantly pushing the envelope. Though I have never seen any photos, I can imagine what he looks like. In my mind he is one of those buff, handsome, dark haired, pale skinned, 1920’s boxer type guys like Russell Crow in Cinderella man. Isn’t the imagination a wonderful thing? I know this can’t possibly be true from looking at the build of my Grandfather and his brother Jack, both with the same frame of a string bean. My father, most uncles and my brother would have this same exact build until their thirties. I imagine my nephew will have this same body shape as well but at age seven he walks with the bravado of John Wayne as only the big brother of two little sisters would, always keeping an eye on them, making sure they are safe. Ahh, family loyalty, you won’t find a group of people more loyal to their family than this crazy bunch, almost to a default and more loyal than a dog.
I am sure Great – Grandpa John was loyal as well, that’s the great thing with no documentation of our past. If there is an unknown, we can simply make it up. Surely, Alice, his wife had a list of likes and dislikes a mile long. Don’t all women? We know she didn’t cook well from the stories my dad tells. Her signature dish was boiled ground beef. John died from a snake bite so apparently he hadn’t built up a complete resistance. I heard the snake story when I was a teenager and too this day I get a major case of the creeps when I see a snake on TV or a picture of one. To see one in real life makes me want to run in the opposite direction.
So Alice packed up her two sons, Jack and his younger brother Joe placed them and their belongings in the car and headed west. For months, during a harsh winter, they lived in an abandon warehouse that was in close proximity of a farm. The brothers McGee were good for the most part and enjoyed sneaking through Mr. and Mrs. Clinton’s property. Sunday was their favorite day to visit the farm. The smell of fresh, baked bread wafted out of the kitchen window teasing and tormenting the brother’s noses. The fact that she baked two loaves helped the ethical dilemma, in their minds when they only took one of the loaves. They ate that bread for the rest of the week and the smell of fresh baked bread was always one of Grandpa’s favorite smells.
While Alice worked and the boys attended a local school, she was able to save up enough money to pack up the boys and belongings to head further west to sunny San Diego. They arrived in a San Diego suburb named Lemon Grove, and attended schools in the area. Jack, at some point, moved to the Del Mar area and Joe went into the United States Navy as a Seabee. Upon his return from duty, he met and fell in love with Theresa Lemere a transplant from Duluth, Minnesota.
Theresa had sharp cheekbones, beautiful soft eyes and a smile that would light up a room. She moved from Duluth to San Diego at a time when a doctor prescribed a warmer climate as part of a diagnosis for any popular ailment at the time. Opposite of Joe, she came from a large family and relished in taking care of her younger brothers and sisters. Though she found advances for women exciting, she knew in her heart that she was always meant to be a mom of many children. Little did she know, she would give birth to ten children and raise several grandchildren.
***
***
Also - it's going to be HEAVY on the Grandpa Joe, as he just passed away and funeral is this Saturday. I think I am writing more for therapeutic purposes, luckily, my family (combined with my imagination) gives me/inspires a wealth of material to write about.
***
Black and Tan
He is a young boy from Dubois, Pennsylvania and the picture I hold in my hand shows him holding a cat in his. The backdrop is a standard 1930’s neighborhood and he looks somewhere between seven and ten years old. His small, pale, peach tinted hands so similar to my own that even though it’s a black and white photo I can still see the similarities in our skin tone.
His parents met in front of the Met life building in New York City, both were children of Irish immigrants and his mom had red hair, just like mine. I would be the only red head in the family for thirty eight years until my newest niece was born seven months ago and to our surprise and my profound delight it looks there will be another member of the red head club inside the McGee clan. I can feel the pride he felt when he noticed my red hair every time I look at my niece and see the reddish fuzz growing atop her head. Only time will tell if it will continue into long red hair that she will hate as a child and adore as an adult.
His dad, John, was a snake charmer and wild man constantly pushing the envelope. Though I have never seen any photos, I can imagine what he looks like. In my mind he is one of those buff, handsome, dark haired, pale skinned, 1920’s boxer type guys like Russell Crow in Cinderella man. Isn’t the imagination a wonderful thing? I know this can’t possibly be true from looking at the build of my Grandfather and his brother Jack, both with the same frame of a string bean. My father, most uncles and my brother would have this same exact build until their thirties. I imagine my nephew will have this same body shape as well but at age seven he walks with the bravado of John Wayne as only the big brother of two little sisters would, always keeping an eye on them, making sure they are safe. Ahh, family loyalty, you won’t find a group of people more loyal to their family than this crazy bunch, almost to a default and more loyal than a dog.
I am sure Great – Grandpa John was loyal as well, that’s the great thing with no documentation of our past. If there is an unknown, we can simply make it up. Surely, Alice, his wife had a list of likes and dislikes a mile long. Don’t all women? We know she didn’t cook well from the stories my dad tells. Her signature dish was boiled ground beef. John died from a snake bite so apparently he hadn’t built up a complete resistance. I heard the snake story when I was a teenager and too this day I get a major case of the creeps when I see a snake on TV or a picture of one. To see one in real life makes me want to run in the opposite direction.
So Alice packed up her two sons, Jack and his younger brother Joe placed them and their belongings in the car and headed west. For months, during a harsh winter, they lived in an abandon warehouse that was in close proximity of a farm. The brothers McGee were good for the most part and enjoyed sneaking through Mr. and Mrs. Clinton’s property. Sunday was their favorite day to visit the farm. The smell of fresh, baked bread wafted out of the kitchen window teasing and tormenting the brother’s noses. The fact that she baked two loaves helped the ethical dilemma, in their minds when they only took one of the loaves. They ate that bread for the rest of the week and the smell of fresh baked bread was always one of Grandpa’s favorite smells.
While Alice worked and the boys attended a local school, she was able to save up enough money to pack up the boys and belongings to head further west to sunny San Diego. They arrived in a San Diego suburb named Lemon Grove, and attended schools in the area. Jack, at some point, moved to the Del Mar area and Joe went into the United States Navy as a Seabee. Upon his return from duty, he met and fell in love with Theresa Lemere a transplant from Duluth, Minnesota.
Theresa had sharp cheekbones, beautiful soft eyes and a smile that would light up a room. She moved from Duluth to San Diego at a time when a doctor prescribed a warmer climate as part of a diagnosis for any popular ailment at the time. Opposite of Joe, she came from a large family and relished in taking care of her younger brothers and sisters. Though she found advances for women exciting, she knew in her heart that she was always meant to be a mom of many children. Little did she know, she would give birth to ten children and raise several grandchildren.
***
08 September 2010
Rosh Hashanah
Happy New Year!
Or.... it's Rosh Hashanah so happy Jewish New Year (at Sundown)!
Handsome is Jewish, I am a Catholic contemplating conversion to Judaism so learning about the high holidays is exceptionally intriguing to me. One of the things I love most about Judaism is the openness they celebrate their holidays with. Though it's a Jewish holiday, the focus is on not just people of that faith but people all around the world to make our lives more fulfilling, happier and more productive.
While there is a sense of renewal about celebrating any New Year- it's that promise of a new beginning and the hope that the change you hope to see in the world or yourself becomes the light of your focus.... at least for one day.
There is a great article here that speaks about Rosh Hashanah in a much more articulate and educated manner.
Or.... it's Rosh Hashanah so happy Jewish New Year (at Sundown)!
Handsome is Jewish, I am a Catholic contemplating conversion to Judaism so learning about the high holidays is exceptionally intriguing to me. One of the things I love most about Judaism is the openness they celebrate their holidays with. Though it's a Jewish holiday, the focus is on not just people of that faith but people all around the world to make our lives more fulfilling, happier and more productive.
While there is a sense of renewal about celebrating any New Year- it's that promise of a new beginning and the hope that the change you hope to see in the world or yourself becomes the light of your focus.... at least for one day.
There is a great article here that speaks about Rosh Hashanah in a much more articulate and educated manner.
05 September 2010
Quick Update
Are you still waiting around for Part II of DC, are you still reading? Anyone, Anyone, Bueller?
This blog is on the brink of not making the cut, sadly. I think about the time I spend on Facebook and it saddens me. I don't write as much as I would like to - either in a real journal or blog due to time restraints. So - here is a quick update.
Made it through my Dad's 60th Birthday and successfully completed a slide show....with music. Sadly, I balled the entire way through the speech at the party (not my finest moment) and thankfully my articulate Uncle was able to do damage control.
Missed the 20th year high school reunion... Alan was out of town and like it or not... I am still a fragile flower.
Still have not passed the CSET (next test date 09/11)
Job is killing me....now working a 4/10 schedule and it BITES
Alan and I recently celebrated our 10 month anniversary- Seriously, that's almost a year?
I am a girl scout leader for a troop in our community and LOVE IT!
Subbing for three districts now- YAY
So, here's hoping that I can make it through DC- Part II and actually post more pix, because honestly, that was the best part of the trip. Ok, there's your hook. Keep checking on me because I might just get this blog back on track....might.
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